Crossroads

December 13, 2024

tags: life_goals university japan

あなたたちにはこれからもいろんな分岐点があります、
立ち止まりたくても引き返したくても、
それでも必ず何かを選んでいかなければならないの。
As you go through life, you will all find yourselves at various crossroads,
you may wish to stop where you are, or turn back,
but you'll have to make a decision.

分岐点

I'm at a crossroad of my own at the moment. As it stands, I currently only have two general electives unaccounted for to complete my degree. By all means, this is exciting, but staring down the excel spreadsheet that determines when I get to move on has spurred something in me, something I've felt before in the past.

For the first few years of my degree, around 2018 to 2021, I struggled a lot with my classes. The content wasn't the issue, but rather I struggled to keep up with the homework and studying routines required to actually succeed. I'd start out a semester enthusiastic and committed, only to spiral into perpetual procrastination by the end of the first month, and would end up with me pulling out of all but one or two classes that weren't mathematically impossible for me to pass.

This pattern of failure had me looking for a way out of finishing, and so I would intermittently apply for entry-level programming jobs. Eventually one of the extra-curricular projects I worked on and bragged about over linkedin would attract the odd recruiter, probably willing to look past the big "I'm still a student" flag since the field (windows kernel-level driver development) is so small. I've gotten to interview with a few well known companies as a result, but inevitably doors of opportunity would close when I would mention my student status.

I was reminded of my last interview yesterday while fishing through my email for mentions of "graduation". Last year I was contacted by [REDACTED] game studio about a position doing anti-cheat and security. The recruiter and I hit it off pretty well; at this point I had resolved to graduate no matter what, and so I thought I would take the opportunity to ask if they were willing to take me on in a way that would allow me to finish my courses. I had expected a flat refusal, but to my surprise I was told that I would get moved up to the next round of interviews anyways to see what the studio thought. I don't quite remember the specifics, but the interview went alright, no big faux pas on my end. I wasn't surpised to hear back saying that they weren't able to accomodate an internship or equivalent relationship, but what did catch me was this:

Let's keep in touch, if that changes and/or when you graduate we can reconnect.

A nicety and formality this may be, but it stuck out to me as genuine. Seeing this email made me wonder if I should reach back out, just to see if that offer really was valid.

Life After Academia

It's come to my attention that I don't actually have any plans for my life after graduation. Until now my plans have been in a sort of super-position between applying for the JET programme, finding a real job in Canada (or Japan), or most recently applying for post-grad to scrape by off living stipends and scholarships. I think yesterday may have been a sign that the metaphorical wave function is starting to collapse; I wondered if I should cut back my study abroad next year from two semesters to just one so that I could graduate faster. I thought about what it would look like to find a local gig, or something remote that I could do while sticking around my shitty, sleepy town. That's a far cry from where I thought I'd want to be, just last year I was yearning for Japan in such an undescribable way, but that feeling has faded a bit. It's not gone, but I do wonder where it went.

So what is the alternative then, and more generally, what are my options at this intersection?


1. The Japan Plan(s)

A handful of paths I could take would wind up in Japan, go figure. I've wanted to go for so long that it's like second nature to me. As I've written about before, I'll be going on exchange next year, though the length of stay is starting to come into question due to a lack of funding that was supposed to be available, but wasn't.


Grad school

Seeing the way the job market looks, I've been weighting the options available for grad school. I've been eyeing up my options both in Japan, and in Canada, just as long as it could keep me out of the job market just a wee bit longer.

Short exchange:

Only one semester over around 4 months, return in August 2025.

Long exchange:

Two semesters over 10 months, attempt to graduate after grades come back for the first semester, return February 2026.

A. Long exchange then apply for grad school in Japan

I've known about the MEXT scholarship program for a long time, and have been considering what it could look like to try and take advantage of it. I'd probably only go for a master's (2 years). Besides landing a full-ride scholarship, the entrance exams look formidable, and I'd have to take them in around August 2025. They also cost around $200 CAD per test, and my money situation isn't looking great for the exchange.

B. Long exchange then apply for grad school in Canada

Most likely the easier option would be to apply back at home where (as far as I know) there aren't any entrance exam requirements for a masters. The difficulty would be in finding a department willing to take me despite a shoddy academic record, though I do have some very easy pulls for good references thanks to the work I've done on research projects. The other thing is, I don't wanna come back to Canada that much.

C. Short exchange then apply for grad school in Canada

The other option is, come back after only one semester and start applying for grad school here. It means I could finish a grad program earlier. I might have an easier time finding funding here, but I wouldn't know for sure.


Japan English Teaching (JET) Programme

JET, my beloved. Another way to dodge the IT job market a bit longer and stick around in Japan would be to get an English teaching job. JET applications for any given year seem to open up in the preceeding September, and if accepted you ship out in the middle of summer. This means that I've missed the window for starting JET in 2025, but there's always 2026. It wouldn't really matter how long I take my exchange for, but if I committed to English teaching then it would make the most sense to return that July and pick up an interim job. Not my ideal timeline per say, but I don't think I'd have the savings required otherwise.


Work in Japan

Nothing is stopping me from looking for a job outside of teaching English. Most people with more long-term ambitions use JET an ALT positions as a stepping stone into the country, but if I'm already in Japan next year then what's stopping me from doing some networking and prep-work? Wages suck for programmers over there, but that's the trade-off for getting to live there indefinitely. I'd probably still have to return to Canada in the interim to apply for positions, so honestly not all that different from the JET option in the big picture perspective.


2. De-Weebification

Coming back around to that email, what if I set aside the Japan ambitions in the short-to-medium term, what would that look like?


Work in Canada

Get a job in Canada? There's a fair few local companies I could apply to, and if not local then there's always remote positions opening up places. Most programming jobs pay more than I could ever need just to sustain my shut-in lifestyle, and I could continue to build some savings by sticking around my family a bit longer. I've also got friends who I'd be comfortable with as roommates, so moving out wouldn't be that bad. With the average codemonkey salary I'd have no worries about taking a vacation there once or twice a year either.


3. The Class-Traitor Gamibt

This is, in a weird way, a synthesis of most of the options here, or rather can be achieved via a combination of nearly all the options here. I do, really, really want to live in Japan still. This could of course change with time and experience, but no matter how much the urge to "move on" with my life is haunting my psyche I still want to get a chance to be there. Let's say I put aside the immediate desire to move there and instead get a job back in Canada. Given enough time and savings, I could eventually begin the process of starting a company in Japan.

Now I know exactly what this looks like, and yeah you'd be correct: Japan has me (a staunch socialist) so weak in the knees that I'd be willing to transition into a petite bourgoise just to live there?

Yep.

Japan really did win the Civ game with total cultural victory. I'd at least try to run it like a worker co-operative, but I don't think Japan even has the legal framework or way to enshrine the concept into a firm, and if it does, I don't think it'd be allowed under the business visa.


So which way?

I don't know.